A new day

I haven't blogged in a while. I was waiting until I had something to say I guess. As I always have a strong opinion on most subjects, I didn't think it would be a problem. Unfortunately for me, I just haven't felt that my opinion matters for much lately. I am battling depression. I know this, yet I don't have a clue on what to do about it. It's not like I have health insurance or the cash to pay for a doctor's visit. So I have decided that I am going to use this blog to my advantage. Today is the beginning of my changes.
I have several issues to work out. I have lingering self-doubt. I have a weight issue. I have now gone from slightly overweight to "severely overweight". I cannot afford to go to Jenny Craig or whatnot. Randy losing weight and looking so great just makes me feel worse. Why is that? Anyway, I feel the pull of the darkness of depression. I want to be alone almost all the time. I don't want to see the kids, get out of bed, or even move. I just want to eat. I am an emotional eater. I eat to forget. I eat when I am bored. I eat when it's my "time of the month". How am I ever going to progress??
History: I have begun several programs over the past few years...Curves, E-diets, yoga, a trim down I found on the internet....only to drop them after a few weeks. Although with e-diets, I did lose about 25 lbs only to gain them back plus some when I got pregnant with B. Why I never went back is another question I have never answered. Maybe I am more afraid to succeed than I am to fail?
So here is the plan: I am going to blog here every night starting tonight! I am going to list my entire eating for the day as well as all the exercise I am doing. Accountability. That's what I need. On top of that, I will post my weight weekly. I need to see progress. I am hoping that someone that reads my blog will comment. Just to let me know that I am not alone. Please.

I'll start tonight.

The reasons for starting this: I am under so much stress right now because of things I cannot control. A is going off to college. Next week! How are we going to pay for it?? My industry is slowing down. I am the only "employee" in my office. Who do you think is going to be let go? The job market sucks here. Not like there is much room for advancement. My creditors are hounding me and I cannot afford to pay them what they want. I have put myself in such a financial crunch that I don't even know how to get out of it.
Oh, man. The depression is coming over me again. All I can think is...just one step at a time, just one thing...Deal with the things I can control and work on the rest when I can.

Wish me luck.