After Xmas Blues

Do you ever find yourself so freaking miserable during the holidays? I do. I miss my family so very much. The ones I've lost; the ones I don't speak to anymore; the ones that are so far away. And the fact that I have "family" here in KY that act like a bunch of selfish stupid idiots doesn't help. Maybe I'm being uncharitable, but it just seems that way to me...

For anyone that knows us, you know that Baby B has had health issues all his life. Being a preemie and then being exposed to RSV had a lot to do with it. The fact that he stopped breathing in the nursery the day after he was born and flown to Kosair Children's Hospital has a lot to do with my protectiveness. So Sue Me! He has had the same pediatrician his whole life. The guy has all the warmth of an igloo, but he is very professional and intelligent. Not to mention that he geniunely cares for his patients. He has been doing this for more than 30 years. B has been in the hospital at least 4 times for pneumonia. One of those times was very scary. The Doc was very positive about his recovery and stopped by daily to make sure he was progressing. Basically, I trust the guy. Also, I know my son. I know what sets his little lungs off. I know how he reacts to different things. So here is my dilemma: my FIL smokes a pipe. Not a terrible thing, but it hurts my little man's lungs. Even if he is not smoking around him, it is still in the house. You know it has to be when you come home from their place reeking of smoke!! The boy loves to visit his grandparents. I have to be the bad guy and keep him out of there for the time being. He spent a few days in their house in October when I went to the wedding and he still has not recovered. He has been to the Doc twice with bronchitis and we have basically been doing breathing treatments since (I just recently stopped when he began to do better). So I definitely did not want him over there to start the cycle all over again. Yes, he goes to preschool. Yes, we took him to the skate rink for his big sis's birthday. There is one thing these two places have in common: NO SMOKING. The Doc has said that smoking will cause flare-ups. He is not allergic to the cats...he does have issues with seasonal allergies and we do have several children in the house that go to three different schools. He will be exposed to germs. That is a good thing...we need to build his immune system. Smoking is not something he can tolerate at this time. Now I have not banned these people from my house. They can come by at any time and see the grandkids. They just don't feel like they should. They have a problem with my mom being there...she lives there for cryin' out loud! She does go upstairs when they come by to try to make it more "comfortable" for them. She does not like my MIL. Why should she? The woman constantly points out what a terrible daughter-in-law she has to MY mom. Shouldn't she be offended? Anyway, the point is they have the choice. They choose to make me the bad guy. I mean how the hell would I know what is wrong with my own child? I am a terrible parent anyway, so what could I possibly add to the issue? Hmmmm, being a parent for 18 + years means nothing I guess. And I'm sure the fact that only one of their three sons feeling like he can go to their house without an issue makes them parents of the year! Their oldest can't even speak to them because of how much they disrespect his wife and him come to think of it. Yes, he could have made better choices and treated his parents with more respect, but isn't it our job as parents to SET THE EXAMPLE?! That is what I am trying to do. Do you even know how hard it is to respond in a positive way when your child asks you why her gramma doesn't like you? That's not what is said to my face, but I guess I shouldn't expect honesty right? I mean, it's not like I can talk to them about it. It just causes more hate and discontent to even bring any of this up. I am in a quandry. I would like my hubby to say something to his parents besides just deal with it because that is the way it is. I'd love for him to let them know in no uncertain terms that their actions are a direct cause of our pulling away from them. But he can't. They don't understand and they will just be more hateful to our kids. And of course, my BIL is getting his shots in now. This Xmas was especially hard on us. B was ill. He woke up at 3 a.m. Xmas morning vomitting. My BIL would say I'm just making it up. It's all an act. Because I am just trying to be difficult. He hates women and it wouldn't matter if I was Mother Theresa. He's an ass!
So that's where I am at. My hubby is in the middle. He is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. Am I wrong for wanting him on my side? After all, he picked me to be his wife. He didn't get to pick his family...I would just hate to see us divorce over his family. That just seems so wrong...Roger refuses to talk to his parents, Rod is divorced so he has no issue, and we are somewhere in between...what do we do?