Being married

THIS POST IS NOT FOR CHILDREN!!!!!

I read. A lot. I mean, really…a lot. And frankly, I am so very tired of reading these ridiculous romance novels where the sex is always so flippin’ great and the men can go over and over and over again. I mean, seriously, girls, how many times can your man get it up? Once, if we’re lucky. Right? So I thought I would post a little something about married sex…

So R and I go at it whenever it’s convenient. Having a bunch of kids and a mother-in-law in the house is not very conducive to wild monkey love! We don’t always have the freshly shaved leg/crotch combo that we both so enjoy…Hey, you take what you can get, right?! This morning was one such incident. Kids didn’t have school today so I had an extra 45 minutes in bed this morning. So, I set the alarm for regular time figuring I’d hit the snooze a couple extra times before I roll out and get an early start on the day. Well, the boy didn’t come crawl into bed last night so I actually got a little rest. The alarm goes off and I hit the snooze. I then proceed to snuggle up to the hubby for warmth. Lo and behold there is a visible change in the man’s body if you know what I mean. It’s quiet, the kids are asleep (so is hubby, but not for long), let’s do this thing. There’s a little groping and rubbing, then I invariably have to pee. Oh yeah, that’s sexy as hell. I figure while I’m in there I’ll gargle a little so not to sear the eyebrows with dragon breath. I crawl back into bed and hubby is completely nude. So much for subtlety. So I oblige by stripping off myself. I do a little stroking and such for a few and that is the extent of the foreplay. Nice. I’m not exactly warmed up but the tugging from the hubby clearly indicates that he wants me to climb up top. Okay. So up I go and in he goes. Just like that. It’s good at first and then the numbness sets in. This is from the unlucky snip from the good ol’ doc. At this point, it’s more like going through the motions because R is certainly enjoying this position and it turns me on to see him turned on. It’s just a shame that I can’t feel all of it!! Dammit! Then the joy of all joys I get a thigh cramp. You know, the big muscle. Freakin’ hurts! So I jump off and lay there punching my leg. Cramp goes away; hubby crawls over top and finishes it off. Missionary was better but still not great. I came close to the big O (on top and underneath) but because of the numbness, it just sort of drops off. That’s what it feels like. Sort of coming to a cliff, looking over the side, prepping to jump and then walking away. A little anti-climactic. The snuggling afterward is good. Woulda went back to sleep but had to get up for work. So there it is. Married sex!
Now don’t get me wrong. It is not always like that. We’ve had some wild romps in hotel rooms and cars that were HOT (remember exit 41, sweetie!)! Unfortunately, those are few and far between. Oh well, I’ve still got 14 years left before the kids are gone. Maybe I’ll still have a sex drive left…